November 17, 2008 at 3:18 pm (Life, Trusting)

Do you ever have a dream that gets crushed?

I have always been told to dream big. I have dreamed this dream for two or more years. I thought it was coming to be.  This weekend it was just crushed. I am very disappointed and very confused. I have cried a lot and felt very sick. Sick to the point that I just want to throw up!

I am learning that it really hurts,sucks and is painful. I will be alright though. God has me in his hands.God counts every tear I cry and it breaks his heart. I will have a couple days of hurting and then I am going to start dreaming BIG again or at least try. I know God probably has better plans for me and I need  to trust that. I don’t understand why this is happening this way but I need to trust God.

I know that this other person is pretty hurt too. I really believe its not this persons fault. This person is doing what others are telling him is the right thing to do even though its hard. We both are just really confused. Maybe this is for the good. God, I just don’t know!


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Update on my mission trip!

July 10, 2008 at 8:51 pm (Blessed, Friends, Life, Trusting)

Only six days till I leave. I am so excited. It has come so fast. I will be gone eight days doing the will of God. I can’t wait to see what God is going to do there. I pray our team becomes even closer than we already are and falls even more in love with Jesus.

One of the things I was really worried about was getting all my money. I would pray that I would get money every week until I leave and that I would NOT have to use my money that I was saving to go to beauty school. Last week, I was going over to a friend’s house. When I was walking in I was praying and asking God to let someone gave me $l00 dollars. A friend was going to go on the trip but couldn’t and gave me a little of they money she had got. I was so blessed. I couldn’t believe it. God answer my prayer so fast. God is so faithful.

I think it can be so hard for me to be patient and just wait. Not that I was thinking that God wouldn’t provide but I was getting worried. God just wanted me to trust him.

Every week since I sent out my support letter, I have got one or two checks a week. Two weeks ago I still needed $450. That’s still a lot to me. I thought and had a big feeling I wasn’t going to get it. We had a BBQ at the church to raise money and didn’t think I would get very much with that either.

Yesterday, they told each of us the amount of money that we still needed. All I need is $85 dollars! Wow thats not much at all.

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God does speak to me!

June 7, 2008 at 10:45 pm (Blessed, Friends, God, Life, Trusting)

I was worshiping at youth group a couple nights ago. God really spoke to me that night about something that happened at the girl’s retreat. He was reminding me of what he told me up there.

At the girl’s retreat we had a time when we had to ask God certain questions that were in the book, then we had to share what God told us after ten or fifteen minutes. One of the the questions was:

” What does God think is unique about you?”

God clearly showed me something right then. I my eyes filled with tears because I would NEVER have thought that was unique about me. I actually thought the total opposite. I didn’t want to share it with the whole group. So everyone went around telling what God had said to them. The group got really deep. I was the last person to talk. In the time I was waiting, I was trying to say God will you please change it? I l don’t want to share it with the whole group, But God said “No”. God loves this about me. It finally got around to me. It was really hard to say it, but here it goes.

I have a learning disability. I hate talking about it. I feel some people won’t like me because of it. I never feel very smart when it comes to school stuff, I actually feel really dumb. I feel I am not as “cool” as everyone else. It makes me sad. Sometimes I used to feel that I wouldn’t find the right guy because of this. But God said, “This is how I made you. I love this about you. This makes you different from the world. The guy I have in mind for you will understand.” All I could think is Wow!

To bring it back to the worship night, God really spoke to me and reminded me about things he thinks are awesome that I didn’t think were awesome. God is incredible. God made me the way that I am and I guess that will never change. It is important to remember to treasure what God tells you to. God made me who I am and I know who I am. I guess the learning disability is a gift and not a curse.

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Mission Trip!

June 3, 2008 at 11:18 pm (Blessed, Church, Life, Trusting) ()

My team and I  have been having meetings every Sunday for awhile. They are good meetings. In the meeting we have been learning Spanish. Learning other languages is very hard for me. I am dsylexic and thats why it’s so hard.

One other thing that we are suppose to be doing is dramas. We don’t have the video to show people how to do them though. We have not even started practicing them and we ONLY have six weeks left – that’s not long. They are kind of hard to learn. I am just praying that we learn it very quickly.

During our last meeting, we had prayer before everyone left. It was really AWESOME! God was totally there. Prayer is a very important part of life. God does amazing things in prayer. Some of the things we had prayed for are: money to come in, fundraisers and for God to do amazing things when we are there.

One of the things that I have really been worried about for this trip is money so that I can go. I totally know that God wants me to go. He has made that very clear to me. I really want to go. I want to go like crazy. I don’t feel like the money has came in like it did the last trip. I think that God is doing this so that I can learn to trust him.

If all I am trying to do is get the money so that I can go, that’s not right. I need to be in constant prayer and seek God, making sure I am ready to go. I think that this trip will be a little bit more challenging. There are things like giving my testimony that we didn’t have to do last time. I don’t like getting up in front of people, so I think that it will be good for me.

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